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My Colleague Is A Terrible Person

I started at this company two years ago. I had pretty high hopes for a career jump. Today, after all, people get their jobs through platforms like LinkedIn or indeed or Jobcare or others. And so did I. At some point I was contacted by a headhunter, and it came as it had to come. The new job sounded great and like a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. Now I'm sitting here, one experience richer.

I took over the company car and cell phone from my predecessor, "to ensure continuity," as I was told at the time. On the very second day, a 'Susy' and then another 'Sharon' called me. It took me a lot of effort to explain to them that this was no longer André's cell phone. My colleague explained to me that my predecessor had been quite a daredevil. I didn't really believe it until Claire, my beloved wife, stared at me with disbelieving eyes when a rather risqué bikini was revealed when I folded down the back seats of the car. Unfortunately it was too late to declare it as a gift for her. Thank God there was nothing compromising left in the glove compartment.

When I told my colleague about it, he wanted the bikini back. He said he was friends with André and would give it to him. But he didn't get it. I find it's just not his color. He himself won't even give me his stapler. Can you imagine?! And he's been fastidiously spread out in the 15 years he's been working here. He calls his plant on the window sill ’Eurora’, after his first wife as he says. I would also say that it must have been his last as well, the way he is. Eurora can't be moved an inch, "because of the way the light hits it," he says. Bill from accounting doesn't like him either. Last week he came into our office with the words "Eurora, jump!" -I had the impression its leaves moved slightly.

I get along well with Janice and Irene. Irene often brings me coffee from the coffee shop in the morning. I have already offered to at least pay for her coffee. But she doesn't want to. Then one morning I invited her for coffee, just the morning when my wife brought my forgotten laptop to the office. Of course, my colleague immediately told her that Irene and I were having a morning coffee together. Thanks for that, Timothy! Oh yes, Timothy is his name. Not Tim! - You get in trouble for abbreviating his name. Almost as much as going out for coffee with Irene without telling your wife, my wife says.

But I guess I switched at the wrong time. The market is in a downturn right now. I'm still achieving better results than Timothy, but they're still a long way from what I'd need for my bonus. Claire thinks that if I started work straight away at 9am, rather than a coffee half hour later, I might achieve that sooner: "The early bird gets the worm!" she thinks. But in fact, none of this is what I had hoped for.

At least the company tries to create a good working atmosphere. Every year, there is a big barbecue to which employees and their families are invited. It was at this barbecue that I finally met André. Timothy had managed to sneak him into the party. And I must say, the young woman at his side was also really a striking appearance. André definitely had good taste in women. She had something cheerfully open about her, which my wife took the completely wrong way when the young woman put her arms around my neck and half-whispered in my ear "you still have my bikini."

That was the moment when Eurora finally jumped. No one knows why. Timothy blames Bill, Bill blames the wind and the open window, my wife blames me and I hate the headhunter for what he did to me.

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