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Separated!

Letter From An Ex

I find it difficult to put these my feelings into words. So we have been officially separated for 3 days now. The decision to take the job here at the research station turns out to be a tragic decision in the end. I remember we talked about what it would mean for us if I took on this 12-month project, and I thought we both agreed that it would be hard, but that we would get through this period. Financially, after all, there was no alternative to it.

So what happened? With you? With me? - I am just sad. Not much is happening here in Burundi. We commute between a middle class hotel and a research station. The food is ok but monotonous and we are hardly in contact with other people. These are days that are just rippling along, especially since we still haven't had a single success so far. In the end, this adventure will end in total failure for me, not only privately but also professionally. That hurts!

I have started counting the days backwards until I get back home. I think I can save that now, because where will I end up!!! - You say that the loneliness and the daily struggle, not only for you but also for my interests, became too much for you in the end. I can well imagine that it is not easy for you. But I would never have believed that this could destroy our relationship.

We skyped, we wrote to each other, we talked on the phone. You never said that our relationship could be on the brink. Sure, you were sad sometimes, and you also told about your everyday problems, but actually they sounded strangely comforting to me like 'home'. I missed everything from the first day: you, our home, the things that were around us, the bakery, the ice cream parlor, the supermarket, the noise in the streets, the stupid letters from the landlord, ... all this sounds familiar and like 'home'.

You say you've already canceled the lease. Means in principle: that when I come home, there is no home for me anymore. Sure, I can go to my parents, or maybe to my brother, but actually I would like to have a say in that! It's your apartment, but maybe I would have wanted to take it over. And to hear that my stuff is being temporarily stored in some room I don't even know, I think it's totally not fair.

It was fair though, that you told me in person on the phone, and didn't just send an email or text message. Even if the phone call was conceivably short. I was too shocked and you were too emotionally involved. I wonder if we should talk again, now that a few days have passed. Maybe things look a little different today, when you look at them in the light? - But of course I respect your wish to have no contact for a while. All I can say is: I can't sleep well since then. Somehow I keep dreaming about it. It just won't let me go. I wonder if everything would have been different if I had stayed.

Do you know that we would have been together for 7 years next month? - Time seems to have flown by. And in retrospect, I think we had a wonderful time for the most part. It is such a shame that it is obviously ending now and in this way.

I am unspeakably sad! And since I don't have your new address, and you obviously don't answer your phone, I can only write this as an email and hope that it reaches you at all. So what else can I say? - Have a wonderful life. Thank you for the good time. And think of me in beautiful moments. Love, P.

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